Facade

Who am I?
How can I love myself when I don’t even know who I am
what I stand for
who I’m loyal to
what I want to be
what I want to do
my life is leading in no direction
my life is leading me
taking me for a ride
im just the passenger
trapped behind the seat belt as life steers me around
I can’t be trusted to live life
let alone give life
that would a tragedy within itself
I can’t take care of myself
what gives me the right to even think about caring for someone else
I can’t even decide whether to like he or she
I can’t even decide to love me
Aren’t I supposed to be the most important
but I’m not
I’m just as lost as a slave with no North star
a teen with no gps
and a child with no guidance
I pray and pray for god to take away my pain
but it always remains
pent up
no place to go
And no one knows
they think im normal
as normal as normal can be
But you can’t fool everyone
those close to me can see the crazy
sense the self hate
and predict the abuse
if you ask me,  I’m okay
stuck behind the smile for another day
masking the pain that so genuinely wants to seep through my pores
poring itself on the floor and making itself known to the world
a cry for help
a cry for self preservation
a cry for forgiveness
someone anyone
save me
save me from that demon within
that monster deep inside
save me from …
me
Im not safe with myself
the walls are caving in
and much too strong to keep up
housing a facade
I should just let them fall
ending me
ending it all